I am nineteen today. It’s not a significant birthday because I’m still a teenager but I’ve grown up a lot in the last year. I am a woman and I just feel so mortal. Like, this is what it means to be female – to have your otherworldliness cut away and to be bound imminent with the earth in pain and blood and filthy shrieking spawn. Even witches aren’t immune from the draw and keep cats to heal their inevitable loneliness. I don’t dislike it necessarily. It seems childish to go back to how I was. But I’m so scared I’d almost rather be a ghost.
I finally figured out how to describe how I feel.
I feel like I’m actually an alien or something but they replaced my memory and now I’m disoriented and doing everything for the first time even though I remember doing it all before. So logically everything makes sense but it just seems so wrong and I don’t belong here.